She has two young children, one of whom struggles with mental illness.The support and wisdomof other parents proved invaluable to her in raising both her children; and so she hopes to pay it forward to other parents via, Psychiatric Medication - Parenting Child with Mental Iillness, Self-Care - Parenting Child with Mental Illness, Sleep Problems - Parenting Child with Mental Illness, ADHD Parenting Child with Mental Iillness, Anxiety Parenting Child with Mental Iillness, Mental Health Treatment - Parenting Child with Mental Iillness, pattern of behaviors that violate the basic rights of others, Mental Health Setbacks for Children with ADHD Will Happen, Medication Compliance Monitored by an FDA Approved Drug, https://www.additudemag.com/behavior-punishment-parenting-child-with-adhd/. According to Chris A. Zeigler Dendy, MS, a former teacher, school psychologist, and children's mental health professional, children with ADHD lie to get out of tasks that are difficult for them. Stealing behaviors are ongoing (a child has stolen multiple times even after you have explained why it is not okay), They appear to engage in compulsive stealing (a child may want to stop but feel unable to do so), Stealing behaviors could be a part of a condition (such as OCD). I'm lost because I don't think that's the answer but don't know what the answer is. Identify and express emotions. The novelist Lawrence Norfolk says that its wrong to think that there is a sort of watershed moment in which a childs behaviour announces itself as ADHD. He attributed the distraction children are suffering to the rote learning and standardised tests of so much schooling. ADHD is a spectrum, experienced differently by different individuals, so screw you. In reply to And this is part of the by Anonymous (not verified). Yesterday she stole $20 from my purse (the last of my grocery money) I was not pleased but not really angry either, though I did tell her I was because I knew I should be, she was very remorseful. Discuss how it can affect the child's life and other people's. My daughter is three years younger than my son. I am considering to see if his mom will take him or back or foster care. Children don't always have the tools to understand or communicate their emotions and needs effectively. He is taking things or coercing others to give him things and then trading away those things and lying about it. Stealing that is accompanied by lying and deliberate planning is more likely to be emotionally based. And it's difficult because it makes me view him differently which of course isn't fair. I, too, want to help her and her family. (two way audio to talk to him and calm him down at bedtime) If you are reading this and think it's too harsh or drastic. Children can tell when parents have written them off, or despise them. She is given an allowance every week and earns more money by doing chores. My son is 9 has stolen a money from his teacher(acording to teacher)!!!! My 8 yr old step son has ADHD and possible ODD. While kids must hear an explanation as to why stealing is wrong and endure behavioral corrections regardless, their developmental stage is important to consider. I just have to say that I am so glad I found this thread. In reply to All these stories sound all by Anonymous (not verified). Since the pandemic there has been a steep rise in cases of ADHD among children. This can play into the desire to cover up stealing behavior (kids may lie to avoid punishment), so it's essential that parents know how to navigate it. There is nothing wrong with that, so shame to it. Locking up everything you have and not leaving anything laying around is not really helpful. When a parent notices their child's stealing, it's a hard time. But reducing the risk of it happening and therefore not having to deal with it is working in my situation. Unfortunately it's a vicious cycle as the comedown leads to more sugar intake needed. But Ive recently discovered shes been stealing money from me. Often, the reason for this is that a child with ADHD feels overwhelmed, ashamed, or because they're unable to understand why they behave in certain ways. Potential connection Explanation Coping tips Recap There's no hard evidence on this link, but lying may still be a. As you stated I will not give up I need for my son to be the best version of his self. Rather than punishing his lies, I realize it may be better to focus on taking away the motivation to misbehave. Most people I know who had ADHD as a child also have bipolar disorder when they become an adult. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to managing risky behaviors in children with ADHD. ian Brown is a 40-year-old masters psychology student doing her dissertation on the lived experience of parents accessing treatment and interventions for their children with ADHD. his is the neurodiversity paradox. But with kids who have ADHD, you might find yourself often asking, "Why are you lying again ?" Not all kids with ADHD tell frequent lies. As one mother in Sussex, who waited two and half years for a diagnosis for her child, put it: Parents complain all the time about the child and adolescent mental health services [Camhs] and the problems are caused by years of underfunding. We have to put all the kids halloween/Christmas candy high up on the pantry shelves because he will not only eat his, but he will eat theirs. So ef you Lindsay. She does not have a mental illness. It is not a cure, but it, and other drugs such as atomoxetine, often help to improve concentration and lessen impulsivity. I do t know how to handle it! Its the hyperactive-impulsive form that features most prominently in popular characterisations of ADHD, while inattention, unsurprisingly, gains the least attention. A great deal of private practice is conducted by the same consultants operating in the NHS, he notes, and in any case, what choice do parents have if the NHS waiting lists are so long? My son has by Anonymous (not verified). In the schools experience, she was told, no child had ever received a negative diagnosis, which the school attributed to the financial benefits of a positive one. Some schools are extremely active in focusing on struggling children, often making available resources even without a formal assessment. In reply to I too need some advise. Stealing is so common in children with ADHD that many wonder if stealing is a symptom of ADHD. Perhaps now is the time for politicians and everyone involved with the wellbeing of young people to meet that challenge too. Part of the definition of mental illness is that symptoms affect "normal" development. Children with ADHD may lie or steal impulsively without thinking about the consequences. In reply to My son was diagnosed at the by Anonymous (not verified). I received a call again today from my daughters principal about her stealing for the 3rd time this school year but also she does it at home or the store. My brother is an alcoholic and drug addict. You realize that your child is being dishonest and sneaking and/or hiding food. Like diabetes it is a medical condition that by acknowledging the areas I need help with allow me to overcome. Why would a child steal when their needs are met? They may not yet comprehend how stealing affects other people. That was so unhelpful and so frustrating. Knowing them can help you be a better parent. I'm so frustrated for all I have given him and it's like he doesn't care. They dont care about consequences at do it again same day or night Motivate your child to focus and stay on top of their daily tasks with a game that turns routines into actual fun! Doctors aren't sure what causes ADHD. First, let's address why a child with ADHD might be a picky eater. Kids usually start to understand and show respect for other people's belongings at 3-5 years old, so whether you have younger kids or an older child can make a difference. But, he adds, most of the time, they're not trying to hurt anyone. Mind you we have this game on another device and no one plays it. What can we do to help her before she is older and has legal penalties. Alongside efforts to tackle stealing, look at the rest of your child's life. He thinks, Why bother? The parent-child relationship suffers as a result. Knowing them can help you be a better parent. The main signs of hyperactivity and impulsiveness are: being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings. but he repeat the same not long after the episode, he behaves like doesnt care, and always keeps up with many inconsistent stories.. Joon is a new type of video game that makes routine tasks fun for kids (ages 6 - 12) diagnosed with ADHD. If you do lose your temper, do not hesitate to apologize to your child. My eldest is 12 so if she snuck something unhealthy I tend to make her do laps and pushups to counter it. Specifically, conditions that affect impulse control. The thing is, he doesn't insist that he's telling the truth like someone would generally do if they were upset someone didn't believe them. A provider once told me I should expect my son to always be about three years behind his peers in behavioral and emotional control. And when you repeatedly punish a child for behavior he cant control, you set him up to fail. Hi Keith, If you did have problems with maintaining attention, the rapid hit nature of TikTok and Instagram might seem especially appealing, even addictive, yet that doesnt mean they are responsible for the condition. Next time your child does something that causes your blood to boil, leave the room, take a few deep breaths, or do something else to calm yourself. Yelling, accusations, or branding a child as a "thief" are more apt to make the situation worse. The child isn't really lying. Children with ADHD and other disorders sometimes have more trouble understanding the consequences of their actions. Children with ADHD are hardwired to take risks. They worry about what caused their child to steal, and they wonder whether their son or daughter is a "juvenile delinquent." It is normal for a very young child to take something which excites his or her interest. Yet she would like to see a national conversation take place about where increased levels of stress, leading to a whole range of mental illness, are coming from. You might be surprised, but kids who fidget in class, lie about their homework, and climb to the highest peak on the jungle gym might not have ADHD. Im so lost as what to do next to get this to stop. Stealing is not about you and your parentingit's about your child and the inappropriate ways they're choosing to solve their problems at the moment. We have 4 children and the youngest is the one that we have concerns with. Is Your Child Sneaking Sweets or Secretly Eating? Thanks, Laura, In reply to My daughter had adhd and by Anonymous (not verified). "Children need to be told that their medicine is helping, but they are the ones doing the work.". Teach them not to steal see why they stole even try to come and understand. I won't sit here and retell you stealing stories nor the endless battles we have with him for the simplest things. They typically know right from wrong. Moreover, even if an EHCP is enacted, it wont entitle the child to the ameliorating drugs that can only be prescribed as a result of a medical diagnosis for which there are the painfully long waiting times. Eventually, their desire to please you evaporates. In the last paragraph, we touched on how important it is that kids don't benefit from stealing. Not my finest hour, but truth be told, I am thinking that I have had few fine hours in parenting my youngest boy. If we eliminate the want/need to steal in our home, that's the best that we can do. I feel that we have done our absolute best. Empowering Parents coach Carole Banks has some advice. If thats the message you got from Panoramas expos, you werent paying attention or watching properly | Adrian Chiles, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. Of course, there's a difference between your three-year-old daughter taking candy once and a teenager stealing clothes, money, and other items regularly. . An example, just this morning I found cooked leftover steak in his room that hadn't been touched sitting in his room at room temperature. A child will steal for the following reasons: * He likes shiny or glittery objects-so he takes them impulsively. being unable to concentrate on tasks. A lawyer in Oxfordshire, who is a mother to a nine-year-old boy with ADHD, wrote to say a medical diagnosis had not helped him, but rather encouraged him to play the part of a child with ADHD to perfection. Why Kids Steal Why You Need to Respond Discipline Strategies When to Seek Help Nobody wants their child to stealand it's normal to feel alarmed and concerned if you discover that yours did. We are not well stocked with many of those traits and theres an argument to say that in this regard the attention deficit is society-wide. If you have health insurance, you can also call your insurance company for recommendations in your area. Norfolk says that getting the right stimulant can involve trial and error but the effect on his son was almost immediate. While magical thinking does wane, remember that your child with ADHD is often three years behind in maturing, so magical thinking might last a bit longer. I also know that ADHD brains are wired differently, and don't respond well to discipline and punishment that "works on standard (neurotypical) children." For many of these kids, lying is a symptom of their condition. ADHD support groups cite figures of 5%. He struggles with boundaries and feels he knows everything. My daughter has been stealing for years. I fully agree. He took the first dose and went to school. We recently bought cameras and placed one directly pointing at his bed. Don't try to stop them. Her urge to steal is seemingly uncontrollable. But its mere mention was enough to enable Norfolk to recognise that there was a medical issue that required further investigation. "Unstructured downtime isn't great for kids with ADHD because it gives them the opportunity to get into things they shouldn't," Grados says. In their quest to quash behavior problems, many parents overlook all the positive ways in which their child behaves. As a parent of two children with ADHD and having it myself, I can say that this article from ADDitude really works. In the UK, one survey has put the incident rate in childhood (five to 15 years old) at just over 2% (3.62% of boys and 0.85% of girls). Or "I wanted to buy a snack at school." [ Click to Read: "The Day My Extreme Child Brought Me to Tears"] Let me paint a picture for you to illustrate ADHD and lying. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. With that in mind, here are some common reasons children steal: There is some research on the connection between various conditions and stealing. I would love to do this but my 2 foster kids and am told this is illegal and invasion if their privacy and not letting them access needs of food which is child a use. He loves his grandmother coming, though they see her as a free ride, a break from the rules we have in our house. The hoarding of food and wrappers, the stealing and sneaking of food, toys, trinkets, anything that catches her eye really. "If your child is active or impulsive to a degree that is out of line with their same-age, same-sex classmates, you should get an assessment." Kids with ADHD have a hard time controlling their. We are completely at a loss until she is medicated. Children with ADHD have increased risk of injury to the mouth and teeth, as well as cavities (also known as caries . So frustrating. Although it can be difficult at times, it's important to remember that a child with ADHD cannot help their behaviour. Do they have a chore list you can reward them for completing? he recently steal at the shop and got caught. And the amount of form-filling that you have to do to access resources is incredible, and I suspect a huge barrier for lots and lots of people, she says. This makes behavior worse. Every child is different, and a medical professional whom you can share your child's background and story with can give individualized advice. I know it sounds like "going too easy on them" or some variation of that idea. Childhood ADHD and Stealing: What's Going on with Your Kid? This will work much better After making a point to praise the child for even the smallest good behavior, for even a week or two first. He would wait for the last bit of rattling from the masterbed to tell him that it was his opportunity to start a party while we were asleep. But Grados says parents shouldn't replace that downtime with time spent in front of the TV, Internet, or video games. My youngest son just turned 11 and he has ADHD. This is one of the most important things you can do to help manage your child's behavior if they have ADHD. Just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. I started skipping school previously been a straight a student. on 2023, June 4 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/parentingchildwithmentalillness/2017/12/childhood-adhd-and-stealing. In addition to this complicated institutional landscape, with its forest of acronyms, there is often also the parents own ambivalence and misgivings. Then, at night, he becomes ravenous. What, as an adhd sufferer, do you suggest I do to to stop this? It is possible for parents to help their child stop stealing. The lying is just another dysfunctional coping mechanism in your child's ADHD box of unhelpful tools. He did it for attention, or to see if he could get away with it, or for attention. Kids may steal because they want to fit in with other kids. A combination of professional support and conversations, consequences, and other at-home approaches is most ideal. Also it is not true or very nice to call parents "bad parents" or dumb. Unfortunately, I didn't know he had ADHD, until he was 8yoa. We were given some badly photocopied leaflets with bullet points about ADHD and suggestions of things to look out for online, says Brown. Like you stated he knows right from wrong, being almost 13 years old. I never received any help whatsoever, nobody tried to understand that I couldnt hhelp myself. Me and a few of my friends deal with the food thing, I find it funny possibly because I understand it. If we didn't find out about the stealing/coercing, he wouldn't even try to fix it, doesn't seem to care who is hurt How can I get it through to him his actions hurt others and himself/his relationship with others? In reply to My daughter is 7 and I by Anonymous (not verified). This is common in kids with ADHD. I have no idea if this will be helpful but doing this means his time with me is so much less challenging and much happier for him. Then said it was stupid and gave up. Against that kind of input, ADHD support groups argue that not only is the condition underdiagnosed, especially among girls, and poorly dealt with by society at large, but that those with ADHD are at significantly greater risk of ending their own lives. He was very remorseful and crying as well. We are past the "don't overreact and calmly tell him it's bad" phase. When confronted, he shuts down and refuses to talk. One mother in Lancashire says her sons school left her to deal with everything in terms of securing an assessment because, she says, they do not believe in labelling. Knowing ADHD is probably behind a child's stealing behavior doesn't make it less frustrating, of course, nor less scary. The two kids operate at about the same emotional and behavioral level. It felt like someone had lifted a camel off my shoulders., In the event, he went on to get stellar A-level results and is now thriving at university, although he still forgets things and fails to read the room. Why? Finally, for some kids, they haven't reached the developmental stage in which they understand the moral implications of stealing. With that in mind, here are some common reasons children steal: Impulse control. Glad I am not alone in feeling this way Christina. It is imperative that kids get support when they need it. When I punish my son for a symptom outside his control, do I run the risk of him believing he's punished for being himself? Sian Brown is a 40-year-old masters psychology student doing her dissertation on the lived experience of parents accessing treatment and interventions for their children with ADHD. Why Do Kids with ADHD Lie? Here's the question: I am getting from the tenor of the material on the internet that the professional advice is to affirm the child, remind him that these behaviours hurt, and cause harm to him, us and the world, of course, take him to Walmart (which we will do today) where he can make recompense (with our money and time), use consistent consequences. I have specific trousers I wear when I have him that grave lots of pickers so I always have my mobile and TV controller on me!! You can also talk to us online via our live chat service, email us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call us on our helpline on 0808 800 2222 to speak to trained family support worker. It's like he doesn't even care. Site last updated June 4, 2023, Melissa David is a mother based out of Minnesota. Its an area in which she has personal experience. So I basically just threw away money. Here's What Can Help Crystal Karges Nutrition - Registered Dietitian Nutritionist in San Diego, CA This is what I did when I found my toddler sneaking candy Share Watch on He describes his son as a not untypical fidgety boy from an early age, but whereas his peers gradually adjusted to the methodical demands of school, he remained unable to settle in or down. Call out your teen's sneaky behavior when it happens. We have been doing all that. Of course, adding routines, activities, and responsibilities to a child's life isn't a sole way to address stealing, but it is important to take a holistic approach and make sure that children have ways to fill their time that are enjoyable, rewarding, or promote responsibility and personal growth. Parents of children with mental illnesses already worry enough about our kids ending up in the legal system. So, how do you know when it's serious, and what can you do if your child's stealing? At midday I received a call about his behaviour (deep breath Id taken quite a few such calls). After attempting to lie, he finally admitted that he stole it from his dad's house (I do not indulge in drugs or condone it). "If your child is active or impulsive to a degree that is out of line with their same-age, same-sex classmates, you should get an assessment.". Its perfectly normal to feel angry at your child from time to time. In reply to My 10 year old stole a wax by Anonymous (not verified). I have eaten until I've made myself sick. Its an area in which she has personal experience. It's critical that kids don't benefit from negative behaviors like stealing. It's been 10+ years and it seems he is getting worse than better, I have had several services working with me. What should I do? There are four reasons why your child with ADHD is stealing. He psychiatrist is thinking that he might be bipolar as well. . After he completed the program, he was diagnosed with 6 different diagnosis; I'm worried about his future. As for food he is forbidden here from going in kitchen cupboards or the fridge. Kids might steal despite having their own money or access to the kind of items they take, leaving parents confused. Alongside other goals, mental health professionals who provide talk therapy can help children: A primary care doctor may be able to refer your family to a mental health professional who offers talk therapy for children and adolescents, or you can look for a mental health professional to reach out to through an online search or therapist directory. I lost my friends, I was ashamed and embarrassed. If it was a boss, wouldn't you quit? This disorder can be linked to a mental disorder that causes children to disobey or rebel. Seems kind of extreme but we are done being victimized and abused by him. He puts our family through absolute hell. This is my son as well. Im educated. We've tried dealing with it in so many ways, yet nothing seems to work. If you set goals that are too big or whose consequences are too harsh, it could backfire. Set expectations that work for your child. I think if your child has ADHD, and theres some shilly-shallying around this, but if your child actually has it, as soon as you start reading up on the symptoms, its obvious its an exact fit, and then our anxiety was, will anyone else recognise it?. In Browns own case, yet more form-filling was required when she decided that her daughter was ready to take stimulants in her last year of primary school. I know the strategies an the article are not the knee-jerk response parents want to have. Dont embarrass your child theyll never forget it. His cousins have lived with us for over 4 years. Do they have a boisterous child, or perhaps one whos easily bored, or is there something else, something deeper and harder to manage, that means there is no parenting fix but instead a neurodevelopment disorder in need of medical attention and educational support? "You want to avoid the message that medication is making the change," McGough adds. I give her what she would like for lunch (a pack of crisps, sandwich, drink and small chocolate bar) and then a healthy dinner but she still steals. For kids with ADHD, lying may not be an indicator that they're being dishonest. Note: Joon is a must-have for kids with ADHD and related disorders. Seeing that this isn't uncommon for children with adhd makes me feel not so alone. I was forced to give him up and just recently got him after 3 years, and still portray some of the behaviors, mainly lying, stealing and getting suspended in school. I do respite for a 12 year old with ADHD and autism. Last year he spend 3 months doing day treatment programs. How should parents response and deal with these repetitive episodes? ADHD assessment is usually done through the specialist Children and Young People's Mental Health Services, commonly referred to as CAMHS. He then decided he needed to buy a new game for it and spent $50.00 of our grocery money. People with ADHD commonly struggle with learning from the past and taking into account the consequences of actions, or inaction, for the future. while what may seem like lying may actually have a deceptive . Im at my wits end and duno what to do 2bh. I am shocked, ashamed and frankly hopeless. An assessment will help you understand why your child acts the way they do. He was there with his grandmother, where he was picking out any toy he wanted. ADHD A third underlying issue that can cause children to lie and steal is attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Katy, a mother from Birmingham, says that her childs school advised her against private assessments because it deemed them less rigorous than the NHS. . Its not necessary for a child to obtain a medical diagnosis to gain special help at school (although it often helps). They just said, she needs to focus more, pay more attention.. By the age of 15 he veered between brilliant and appalling schoolwork and was on course to fail academically. It can be frustrating and scary when a child steals. Learn effective strategies for managing ADHD symptoms and increasing motivation, from lifestyle changes to medication options. You probably feel angry, confused, and concerned. He started stealing and being defiant when he was 3 years old and of course, it has only gotten worse. They also feel the way that the NHS assessment was represented as lengthy and rigorous does not match day-to-day practice. Since then his disability has escalated. They have told all of my friends about it, all of my teachers, despite me never stealing anything from anybody else but my parents. Nothing works. Kids with ADHD often lie to get out of tasks that cause anxiety. Behavior & Discipline The Truth About Your Child's Lying Everyone tells a fib now and then. This can go alongside keeping kids busy. But they do know that kids who have it find it hard to control their impulses. I mentioned this when discussing childhood ADHD and lying, but symptoms of ADHD include lack of impulse control and poor executive functioning. Then, we'll discuss getting help for stealing behavior in children. Kids with ADHD can be more prone to lying frequently. Im lost as to what to do. "After school, allow your child to decompress for 30-45 minutes and then it's time to get down to work," says Dr. Liz Matheis. When your child acts in negative ways, McGough says it's important to remember, "Impulsive, risk-taking behavior is a manifestation of the circuits in the brain; it's not willfulness, it's how these kids are wired.". Therapy can aid impulse control in kids with ADHD and other conditions (e.g., bipolar disorder). Oh wow this sounds like my 11 year old he dose same thing been doing it sense he was 5 me and his dad has had enough!! Thank u and God bless, Linz, thank you for this. For instance, when my son sees money lying around at home, he'll take it. I've been struggling with an adhd child for years now. You wouldnt dream of screaming and swearing at friends or coworkers, so you know you can control your anger if you must. Now he is suspended from school for 3 days. An EHCP can provide a more suitable and less stressful educational environment for children with ADHD, but its drugs that will often best aid performance within the normal educationally competitive realm of school. The need to square this particular circle becomes especially urgent as the exam process kicks in that Robinson believed was the cause of so much restlessness and inattention. Take care to reward other positive behaviors in your child, too, whether through verbal praise of other means. 3. Since we put cameras up he no longer even attempts to get up. Sometimes a child's underlying ADHD symptoms can contribute to lying. My son does the same thing. The resulting negativity can cast a pall over the household that affects every aspect of life. This Losada ratio has been covered extensively in Fredricksons 2009 book, Positivity (#CommissionsEarned) and her 2013 follow-up Love 2.0 How does it work? His psychiatrist said that it could be ritualistic at this point( OCD). In fact this morning I found out that he snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, into our bedroom and grabbed our Nintendo switch. My son is 11 and he was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5 and now that he is 11 he has been diagnosed with ODD and his lying and stealing is out of control he is very disrespectful and does not know when to stop. He tells me that he steals from us because he isn't allowed to have those things. When children finish tasks in real life, they get rewards in the Joon Pet Game app that allow them to take care of a virtual pet called a Doter.. He just stole his cousin's Bluetooth headphones saying he got them from a friend, when there is no way! Im just going through this now but hes been caught stealing from lickers at his school, so niw it might become a police matter. If you're the parent of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you've probably heard these scenarios before. Kids this age have a lot more going on in their lives sometimes good and sometimes bad that they may want to keep to themselves. I have ADHD but coupled with my Anxiety and my own conformist mindset steeling is not something I've dealt with. Children need healthy outlets. Came here for some information because I believe hers is a genuine urge/impulse to steal, In reply to I give my 13 year old by Anonymous (not verified). This line was repeated to me by a special educational needs and disabilities coordinator. He now claims he 'thought' he got them from his friend because they were on his (my son's) bed so he assumed they were his. here. When you demonstrate self-calming techniques in this way, you teach your child the importance of managing her emotions. Then, we will discuss the benefits that parents and kids get from using Joon. For my son, he's usually hungry. She believes that social media exacerbate attention and concentration issues.
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